Safe Strangers

I notice a girl sitting at the far left corner of the coffee bar.
My left was other’s right depending on the cardinal direction of your
snout. I imagine her head wading in water when I noticed the laptop. The half visible face lingers like a hippo in the water – half above, half below the screen. Is she looking at me?  I just sat down after ordering my coffee. I kept busy rustling through my bag and busy thinking. I was wondering why I didn’t just take control of the situation and get a good look at her. I can be so damn confident when I’m drunk. Was a thought. I can be so damn confident in general. Was another. Growing up takes that away from you until you fucking earn it. Was the conclusion.

My name gets called. My coffee is ready. I decided to use my moment of retrieval as a chance to quickly analyze this familiar stranger. I, with limited grace, obscenely stare as I’m walking towards the bar to get my iced americano. It is hot today. The girl had identical hair highlights to a girl I was in high school with. That was the only thing I took away from the amaranthine seconds I crowded her self-security. I notice when the barista calls my name, it sounds slightly abrasive. The shop was busy, but it certainly isn’t bumpin. Maybe I was feeling overly sensitive but I still feel like he could have been friendlier. We aren’t friends by any modern societal standard but we aren’t totally strangers. I frequent this joint like a goddamn beatnik. This is my escape. I consider him safe in a way. Maybe that is what makes us strangers. Then I sigh.

In this small, indoor sea of midwest mimes. Drowning in and out of my audio threshold – I feel alone and anxiety subsides.

TM

Understanding

I wish I could feel

All I know that lingers

But my mind turns its back

With the snap of my fingers.

And all logic did digress

When my heart spoke it’s peace

and time took over light.

Only then –

I could have left when the moment was right.

Can you help me?

Deconstruct the meaning of glory

Recreate so we can fit it

Recreate it so we can fit in.

I’m so tired

Just forget it

I’m so tired

Of saying I’m sorry

Just forget it

I don’t understand

I never understand.

TM

* 6/17/17 *

I’m new to this. I just want to get my work out into the world for the first time in my life in a semi-serious, fully independent manner.

I think this could be fun, sharing my thoughts with essentially no one. In an age of social convolution, I want to speak my mind. What will I make of myself after I share my first poem? I hope to the vast sky above that I’m proud of myself and I continue to crawl out from my hole.

TM